How to Convince My Partner to Go for Couples Therapy
- Sasha Javadpour
- Mar 24
- 6 min read
Embarking on the journey of couples therapy can be a transformative experience for a relationship, but the first step—convincing your partner to attend—can sometimes be a challenge in and of itself. Suggesting couples therapy to your partner can be a delicate conversation, especially if they are resistant to the idea.
Content:
Common Reasons Why A Partner Might Be Hesitant To Go For Couples Therapy
Many people hesitate due to misconceptions, fears, or a lack of awareness about how couples therapy can help. If you’re struggling to convince your partner to attend therapy with you, taking the time to understand their resistance can be the first step in overcoming their barriers.
Here are some common reasons a partner might be hesitant to go for couples therapy and strategies to encourage them to be more open to the idea.
Fear of Being Blamed
Some individuals worry that therapy will turn into a blame session where they are singled out as the cause of the relationship’s issues. This fear can make them defensive and unwilling to participate.
Our Response: Therapy is about understanding each other better and improving communication, not assigning blame. A good therapist will ensure that both partners feel heard and respected.
Misconception That Therapy Is Only for “Serious” Problems or "Failing" Relationships
If your partner doesn’t see the relationship as being in serious trouble, they may think therapy is unnecessary or excessive.
Our Response: Therapy is not just for relationships on the brink of collapse; it can also help strengthen communication, deepen intimacy, and prevent minor issues from escalating.
Stigma Around Therapy
Some people worry about what family, friends, or society might think if they attend therapy. They may fear being perceived as incapable of maintaining a relationship or being judged for having a failing relationship.
Our Response: Therapy is a private and confidential process. A strong, proactive couple seeks therapy not because they are failing but because they value their relationship and want to improve it.
Discomfort with Vulnerability
Opening up about emotions can be difficult, especially for those not used to expressing their feelings.
Our Response: Therapy is a safe space where you share at your own pace. A skilled therapist will be attentive to the needs of every individual and guide the process without forcing uncomfortable discussions.
Doubt in Therapy’s Effectiveness
Your partner may be sceptical about whether therapy can make a difference, especially if they’ve had a negative experience in the past.
Our Response: Therapy is a collaborative process, and the relationship between the therapist and the client plays a significant role in its effectiveness. If a previous experience was unhelpful, it may have been due to a mismatch with the therapist rather than the therapy itself. Encourage your partner to explore different therapists to find the right fit for both of you. Many therapists, including Hirsch Therapy, offer free 15-minute online consultations to ensure a good match before committing to sessions.
Fear of Change
Therapy often requires making adjustments, and change can be intimidating. What if it doesn't work? What if it works and I don't like it? What if I mess it up? What if my needs are overlooked?
Our Response: Therapy is an opportunity for both of you to grow together rather than a process that will force uncomfortable changes. Therapeutic change is gradual and follows the pace of both partners, ensuring that transitions feel manageable rather than overwhelming. A good therapist will work with you to set achievable goals, fostering a sense of progress without pressure. We also continue to take stock throughout to hear what works for you and what does not.
Preference for Solving Problems Alone
Some people believe relationship issues (dirty laundry) should be handled privately, without external help. Some people pride themselves on being problem solvers.
Our Response: Your therapist is not going to solve your problem for you. Instead, your therapist will help to facilitate the space that will allow you to solve your problem. Therapy isn't giving up control—it involves equipping yourself with better tools to strengthen your relationship.
Concern About Cost and Time Commitment
Therapy requires an investment of both time and money, which can be a deterrent.
Our Response: Worthwhile endeavours tend to be costly. Many practitioners, like Hirsch Therapy, offer options that may help in this regard, such as online sessions to avoid the commute, weekend appointments, or affordable therapy packages.
Lack of Awareness of the Issues
If your partner doesn’t see the relationship as struggling, they may not feel therapy is necessary.
Our Response: Therapy isn’t just for solving problems—it is a way to strengthen communication and connection. If one person feels something is off, exploring it together in therapy can help ensure both partners are truly on the same page. Avoidance can also stem from a concern that this will become a blaming session. In reality, couples therapy isn’t about assigning fault—it’s about strengthening communication, deepening connection, and ensuring both partners feel heard and understood.
Fear of a Negative Outcome
Some partners avoid therapy because they fear it will lead to discussions about separation or reveal irreconcilable differences.
Our Response: Couples therapy does not push a relationship in any direction. Avoiding these conversations doesn’t make the underlying issues disappear either. It just leaves them unspoken. Couples therapy provides a guided space to navigate these challenging conversations, helping partners work through concerns together rather than letting fear dictate the relationship's future.
Next Steps (8 Things To Keep In Mind When Talking To Your Partner About Couples Therapy)
1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Timing is crucial when bringing up the idea of couples therapy. Avoid discussing it during or immediately after an argument. Instead, choose a calm and neutral setting where you can both talk openly without distractions. This helps ensure that your partner doesn't feel ambushed or defensive.
2. Communicate Your Intentions Clearly: When you bring up the topic, frame it positively. Emphasise that your goal is to strengthen the relationship, not to point fingers or assign blame.
3. Highlight the Benefits: Explain the potential benefits of couples therapy, focusing on how it can improve various aspects of your relationship.
4. Address Concerns and Misconceptions: Your partner might have reservations about couples therapy, such as concerns about the cost, time commitment, or stigma. Be prepared to address these concerns.
5. Suggest a Trial Period: If your partner is hesitant, propose trying therapy for a specific period, such as a few sessions, to see how it goes. This can make the idea less daunting and provide an opportunity for your partner to experience the benefits first-hand without feeling committed long-term.
6. Share Resources: Provide your partner with information about couples therapy, such as articles, books, or videos that explain what to expect and how it can help. Sometimes, hearing from experts or reading about other couples' success stories can alleviate fears and increase openness to the idea. Looking for a couples therapist together to find someone you both like can also be a great way to help them ease into the idea.
7. Emphasize Your Commitment: Reassure your partner that you are fully committed to working on the relationship together. Let them know that you value their feelings and opinions and that you are willing to make changes and put in the effort to improve things.
8. Be Patient and Respectful: Change takes time, and your partner may need time to warm up to the idea of therapy. Be patient and avoid pressuring them. Instead, continue to express your concerns and desires respectfully, keeping the lines of communication open.
Final Thoughts
Convincing your partner to attend couples therapy requires empathy, patience, and clear communication. By choosing the right time to discuss it, highlighting the benefits, addressing concerns, and emphasizing your commitment to the relationship, you can increase the likelihood that your partner will be open to the idea. Remember, the goal is to work together towards a healthier and more fulfilling relationship, and taking this step can be a significant move towards achieving that goal.
At Hirsch Therapy, we understand how challenging it can be to take that first step. We specialize in creating a supportive, safe space where both partners can feel heard and understood. Our person-centred approach combines empathy with proven therapeutic techniques to help you both address issues constructively and without judgment. Whether you're ready to dive into couples therapy or want to begin with individual sessions to gain clarity, we’re here to guide you through the process.
If your partner remains resistant, starting with individual therapy can help you gain new insights, develop stronger communication strategies, and empower you to navigate the conversation with greater confidence. Sometimes, positive changes within one partner can be the catalyst that encourages the other to take part in the transformative healing process.
Take the first step today with a free 15-minute consultation.
Feel free to reach out to contact us and let us help you build a stronger, more connected relationship.
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